Finding Myself

Please excuse the terribly fuzzy picture, but I think that it perfectly describes how I feel these days.

I started this blog nearly a year ago, in hopes it would help be an outlet for my increasing depression and anxiety.  I know I've spoken about my depression previously and I thought now would be a good time to share a bit more, because I know of a few people who are currently in the same place as I was.  I tried like hell to fight it on my own.  I exercised.  I saw a counselor.  I blogged and wrote out my thoughts.  It all seemed to help, but it just wasn't enough.  I really felt like I had lost myself somewhere and I know it was affecting my life and relationships.  I returned to my family doctor to discuss the one thing I had always been against, medication.  She had been the one who had recommended counseling and I felt like she truly listened to my concerns.  Just as I had initially spilled my guts to her, I did so again, listing out all the reasons medication scared me.  I didn't want to feel flat or emotionless, I didn't want it to add to my struggle to lose weight, and as most parents of toddlers can relate, I didn't need anything that would further interfere with any chance of intimacy with my husband.  Trusting that my doctor had once again sincerely heard me, I began taking a small dose of medication.  My doctor was great.  She assured me that if I started a medication and it wasn't working out, we could try something different.

I checked back in with my doctor after taking the medication for a few weeks.  I remember her commenting that I had my glow back.  It's been months now and I feel like the glow is still there.  I still work at my happiness, because I think we all have to do some of that, but it comes much easier.  I feel so comfortable with myself.  I am truly the happiest I have been in a very long time.

I know this has gotten pretty wordy, but I think it's important to be reminded that sometimes it's okay to ask for help and that we all deserve to enjoy what little time we have in this world.  If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for reading my story.  I hope you can feel some happiness too and if you aren't there yet, you'll get there.  Don't stop trying and don't be afraid to ask for help!