Bear with me, this is a long and wordy post. I probably should have put this one in my diary or something, but I suppose that's really what a blog is. I promise I will post some cute photos or something simple tomorrow, but for now, I have to get this out.
I think I mentioned a few posts back that I'm changing jobs and I've made a few mentions of it on social media, if you follow me there. It's funny, because had you asked me a few months ago if I would be leaving my job at any time in the near future, you would have gotten a solid no. You know when people talk about finding their calling in life? I think mine is helping people and that's obviously something I get to do as a legal advocate. It's satisfying to know that I genuinely make a difference in some people's lives, even if it's something as simple as telling someone about the divorce process or sitting with someone during a criminal hearing and holding their hand or rubbing their back. The latter is probably my favorite part of working as an advocate. I have so many clients who just don't have any support. Courtrooms are scary places, especially when faced alone. There are terms that aren't always understood, abusers and their families/friends are often just a few benches away, and details of traumatizing events are often shared in front of a whole courtroom full of people. I am there, though, to explain what's happening, to shield my clients from their past abusers, and to support them fully without making any judgments. This is what has kept me at my job for so long. My clients. Especially my clients who have no one else. So why am I leaving? I'm sure you're probably wondering, if you've read this far.
I'm not really sure where to begin with this. I didn't actually go searching for another job and I still feel an immense sense of loyalty to my agency and the work we do there, but I had to put myself first and take a chance on an opportunity that came up. There have been so many frustrations at my job over the past several years that are really out of my control. We are resistant to change and growth. The more some of us push for it, the further we are knocked back. I used to shake it off, after a period of annoyance, and try to stay optimistic. I'd remind myself that I do the best I can with my clients. But eventually that wasn't enough and I had more and more trouble shaking off the bad attitudes and frustrations. It definitely showed in my paperwork, as unfinished files collected in my desk drawer, and it showed in my personal life. I come home tired and feeling pretty drained, not great things when you have young children and a side business. I had always been really good at leaving my work stuff behind once I left the office, so this wasn't okay with me. Knowing all the great things my agency could be doing but refuses to do hasn't ever been okay with me, but the feelings of powerlessness have just really taken it out of me.
Anyone else probably would have started looking for a new job, but I am such a terrible creature of habit. Sticking with the misery, in some ways, is just easier and less scary than trying something completely new. I actually did apply for one job a few months ago, but nothing came of it. That's probably for the best. The job I'm starting in two weeks, February 29th to be exact, is at a small law office. There are two attorneys, an assistant, and two cats. Things actually took shape via Facebook Messenger, during chats with one of the attorneys. Hooray for social media! I feel incredibly lucky and eternally grateful for the opportunity, because essentially I was given a chance to put myself first and an easy out from my growing frustrations. I shouldn't really say easy. I'm nervous about doing something new and there's a tiny part of me that is waiting for them to change their mind about hiring me. I'm still questioning my answers from the lunch hour meeting I had with the attorneys and my not so well hidden anxiousness, but I am also so excited to try something new, to be busy with working and learning again, and to hopefully regain some energy and motivation! Also, did I mention there are cats? Wish me luck!
