Benny's Birthday Adventure - Pittsburgh Zoo & Aquarium

Here are lots of cute animals and two cute little humans to make up for yesterday's wordy post.  Enjoy!

Blah Blah Anxiety

I felt like maybe I should explain my extended absence from my blog, not because I owe anyone an explanation really, but because I bet there's at least one person reading who can relate and because we still don't talk about mental health as much as we should.  There are still so many of us who feel ashamed asking for help or weak for taking medication.  I am neither ashamed nor weak.  I am strong and brave and I know I can't always do everything completely on my own.

I've spent the last few months in a pretty bad spot.  Daily stomach aches, lots of tears, an ever racing heart and shaky hands, coming home and heading straight up to my bedroom, ignoring many of the things I love and that help me stay sane.  There were also daily self pep talks, the deepest of breaths, long walks to unwind, and, finally, on my birthday, I went to see my doctor.  I spent the morning of my birthday crying to the doctor.  I was pissed off and frustrated.  I have managed my anxiety and depression so well in the past and I had been doing everything I could to try to shake it off.  It just wasn't enough, though, and so I asked for some help again.

The diagnosis on the printout from the visit said "adjustment disorder".  I guess that's pretty accurate, because I have had one hell of a hard time adjusting to the change in jobs.  It's ridiculously silly.  I know that.  I love this job, I love my coworkers, I think I do a pretty good job.  I have absolutely no regrets in making the change.  But that's the thing with anxiety and depression - you can know all of those things and still question every tiny action and fear the worse in every situation.

Here I am, though, a few months, lots of hard work, and a small daily dose of Prozac later.  I am finally starting to feel like myself again.  It's a process and some days I still feel the familiar sense of dread creeping up for no real reason, but it's getting easier.  I know this is something I need to continue working at and, wow, typing this post feels absolutely therapeutic.  If you've made it through this novella, thank you for reading.  I'll be back tomorrow with something less wordy and eventually I want to share some things that have helped me out these past few months.  It feels good to be back!

Lititz Birthday Adventure

I'm sure I should do some kind of post to properly catch up and maybe even explain my absence, but for now, I think I'll just share some mostly photo posts.  A lot has happened since I've last posted, including my 36th birthday and it was a really good one.  I had lovely tea with friends, a party at home with the boys, and a rainy day in one of my favorite little towns, Lititz, PA, with Donnie.  It's such a picturesque town and even the dreariness of the day couldn't dampen its beauty!  We've only visited Lititz a few times and we've always just stuck to the main streets and store fronts, but this time we ventured off those streets a bit and found a little paved path that ran along a creek.  We got to see a water snake, loads of ducks and ducklings, and a shy little kitty who was not up for posing for a photo.

(I Was) Gone, Daddy, Gone

After a long hiatus, I'm back!  I've been trying to get back to my blog for a long time, because I've missed it and I've missed sharing with you all.  Hopefully some of you have stuck with me through the silence.  Happy Monday, lovelies!

Flair

If Office Space took place today, Jennifer Aniston's character would have so many choices when it came to jazzing up her work uniform.  Enamel pins are seriously the biggest thing right now and I'm not complaining, because the variety is awesome and they're kind of like tiny affordable pieces of art. There are so many amazing pins out right now that it was really hard to narrow down my wishlist, but I somehow managed.

1/2/3/4/5/6

If you click a source, make sure you check out the other pins (and merchandise) these great shops have to offer too.  Now go get yourself some flair!

A Whole Lot of Walking To Do

One of the things I really love about my new job is that I get to go on court runs almost daily, getting me out of my office chair and up moving out in the fresh air.  I've been trying to walk on my lunch hour too, because our office is really centrally located and I love admiring the old architecture and imagining the town in all its former glory.  Let's not forget that good for my physical and mental health, too!  Back to that old architecture, though.  The town really is fully of lovely old buildings and I've been trying to snap some photos when I'm out walking.  Here are some of my favorites-

This my view walking back from Circuit Court.  I love the brick sidewalks and arched windows on the side of the building.

I shared this photo on my Instagram awhile ago.  This grand old building used to house a dinner theater where my grandma took me to see my aunt act in shows.  There's still a theater across the street and a school for the performing arts, so I think this small section of town is considered the theater district.  The street here is glittery, but it doesn't show in the photo.

There's a great cemetery behind this gorgeous church, but I haven't gotten to explore that just yet!  I think it's actually where the town's founder and namesake is buried.

Before you actually get to the square of town, there are the most grand old houses proudly standing on the hill.  I think a lot of them are apartments and offices now, but a few are still private homes.  I can't even imagine how amazing the interiors must look!

These last few photos were all taken on the same street and are especially close to my heart, because I used to live on this street.  This house is my favorite, partially because of the great statues along the front.

 Nearly all of the houses on this block of the street are lovely brick Victorian homes.  Again, I think most are now apartment buildings.  One used to be a bed and breakfast when I lived there.

This is the building where I used to live, the first apartment Donnie and I shared.  We were up on the top floor in a one bedroom apartment with hardwood floors, two great balconies, and even a separate dining room.  This is where he proposed to me, where we got our first dogs together, and where we rested after working extra hard to save for the place we now call home.  So many memories!

Relax & Unwind

Hey there, sweet readers.  I really need to get my blogging act together, because it's an important part of my self care and I'm still feeling that anxiety I mentioned last week.  I have had my anxiety in check for quite some time, so it's extra shitty not being in control right now and not being able to pinpoint what's causing it.  True story, I had an anxiety attack while watching Jessica Jones last week. A fictional television show that I typically enjoy triggered something in my brain that just turned me into an utter mess.  Another day, I felt the familiar tightness in my chest upon receiving a text message from a friend.  It wasn't even a negative message or someone I would dread hearing from.  It's all completely irrational and irritating as hell.  It's the worst when I'm alone with my racing thoughts, but as mentioned in that previous post, music helps to calm me down. I didn't make the playlist below, but it's perfect for listening to in the evening when I'm trying to sort of shut my brain off or at least slow it down and unwind from the busy day.  Everyone needs this sort of playlist sometimes.  

As for this anxiety nonsense, I'm really feeling over it.  I've spent a bit of time having myself a pity party, but now I'm ready to get to work on a plan to kick it's ass right out of here.  Part of that plan definitely involves music, keeping up with this blog, a whole regimen of self care, and, once I've been added to Donnie's insurance, getting myself to the doctor.  If you've made it through my rambling on about my mental state, you probably could really use this relaxing playlist.  Enjoy and remember to take care of yourself!