Friday, December 28, 2012

Overcoming My Thoughts

I have really fallen off the fitness wagon.  I think it's a fairly normal thing to do this time of year, with being surrounded by baked goods and not really having any spare time.  I also have the added stress of a little guy who doesn't always sleep very well, leading to long nights and being much too exhausted to get up early and workout.  I managed to go to the gym once last week and was so happy to be there.  Now I just have to find my motivation to get back there and, once again, change my attitude.  I recently had some issues with a medication that caused my hormones to go a little crazy, causing a full month of increased appetite, lack of energy, and total bitchiness.  I pretty much spent that month stuffing my face full of junk!  That, coupled with my lack of exercise, has resulted in gaining almost fifteen pounds.  I feel my depression creeping up again and I know that I need to fight it, exercise being a huge part in that fight.  With the depression has come some struggle with my self image.  I have been feeling just disgusted with my appearance.  I actually cut my bangs in a moment of disgust recently, because for me, my hair has always sort of been my security blanket.  It's like having bangs will somehow disguise the fact that I need to be healthier.  I've never struggled this badly before and am trying to fight this negative thinking, because I know that I am beautiful and I am usually quite comfortable with my body.  I just found that one of my dear friends and one of the most amazing women I know has a blog and I discovered this post.  It was just what I needed.  It was comforting to know that someone I consider to be absolutely gorgeous, confident, and strong sometimes struggles too and it was also a great reminder to be a little less critical of myself, to stay positive, and to work on the things I want to change, instead of just whining about them.  I don't want to be completely obsessed with my appearance and weight loss either, so I need to find a delicate balance where I am working on getting healthier, both physically and mentally, but not dwelling on my appearance or every little thing I eat.  It's a big deal for me to share this, because although I am pretty open, I find this struggle to be quite personal.  I feel a bit vulnerable, but it feels good to get it all out, though, and now I can move forward.  Thanks for listening!

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